Gym Rant #2

Well where as over on Doyle's blog you get Sunday sermons I'm going to continue in my tradition of ranting:

I've now spent quite a lot of time reading about various aspects of lifting weights, diet etc. Due to my slightly obsessional nature, thinking that if I can extract one piece of useful information (i.e. relevant to climbing) then the amount of time (wasted?) is completely justified.

So here it is, things that bug me when in the gym:

1. Cardio Bunnies - Do yourself a favour, jump off the treadmill and do something else. You run for hours and hours on end burning massive amounts of calories but somehow your ass is still a little saggy when you get in the pool. Look up the definition of skinny fat and see why. Look at marathon runners vs. sprinters which has more definition?

2. The buzz words "Toning up" - There is no such thing as Toned, the word you're looking for is muscular and its governed by one simple factor; bodyfat percentage.For people who wish to achieve this ifting weights in the higher rep range is no good ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A WOMAN! You have 10x less Testosterone than the average man. Muscle gains are slow so that "Toned" look is a long way off.

3. Chrome Weights - Why on earth does anyone think that its sensible to use the same 2lb shiny dumbell for chest, biceps, tricpes etc. it's just not logical is it?

4. Disco Muscles - Why do people do endless sets for their chest and biceps but nothing else? I guess so that their T-shirts bulge in all of the right places. Get out more.

5. Abs - Everyone has ab's the fact is that the vast majority of the population have a tyre covering them. Doing crunches will not give you visible abs. Loose bodyfat and hey presto superman abs.

6. Personal Trainers - Now some are clued up so I won't be too swooping but some blatantly aren't. Would you take financial advice from someone who is broke? Of course not, so why take fitness advice from someone who is clearly unfit and not at all muscular. I see people at the gym every time with a PT who costs £40/hour. I once heard him tell somebody that Bench was really hitting his Biceps...maybe on a 400kg lift your stabilizers will be struggling like mad but 40kg? I think not. Spend your money more wisely: Buy a book, or just read all of the free articles on various fitness forums. Ignore articles in the general press (see number 7).

7. If it feels too easy or too good to be true then it probably is. You will not change your physique by standing on a vibrating plate, nor will you get rid of the 100 curries worth of fat hanging from your outer thighs by walking gently more than likely you won't make any gains unless you make dietary changes or even more importantly lifestyle changes despite what you read in Hello magazine. PT's, don't help in this matter and more than likely will tell you what you want to hear, after all if the sessions are too grueling then people won't come back.

8. Now this one is directed at climbers. You will NOT 'bulk up' simply by starting to do weights (unless you have awesome genetics, foley you're in the wrong sport). In order to gain mass/weight (preferably lean) you need to eat the right things at the right times. I know of very few climbers who would take their diet to a decent and clean level of commitment at which they would make noticeable mass gains and hence hinder their climbing performance. Personally despite being very commited to adding muscle to my chest (due to constant back pain since my car accident) I have only managed to make meagre gains. So climbers, if you've thought that your overdeveloped back warranted a slightly less than concave chest, jump to it!

9. Isolation exercises - Why oh why does everyone target isolation exercises and by that I mean things that hit one specific muscle. If you're a novice and want to see decent gains then go COMPOUND, Bench, Squat, Deadlift, Pendalay Row. That's it (Ripptoe's Starting Strength)

10. Last but not least - FORM IS OF THE HIGHEST IMPORTANCE. It may make you feel better to pick up the largest dumbbells for your bent over row or dumbbell press but if you're not using them throughout a full range of motion then you're just wasting your time (That is unless you're specifically busting through a plateau using half reps [the same applies to ballistic motion swinging weights]). Chances are by doing this you're not even hitting your target muscle groups, the standard being the standing barbell dumbbell curl, idiots end up doing a swing motion that involves their lower body, hips and upper back (this does not make it a good Compound exercise). If this is you and you doubt me then use a preacher bench or arm-blaster, I'll be impressed if you bust out one rep of the same weight.

Now this might all seem a bit rich coming from a skinny runt who has zero qualifications in this field. So be it, it certainly beats a whingey post.

Oh and one more very important point:

11. Please please do NOT wear running shorts into the sauna, I really don't like having to tell people that their c*ck is hanging out. It's not a comfortable situation for anyone.